Denial
by RogueRed
Summary: Aeryn now has to deal with John?s feelings after all the pushing and the running that she has done. Takes place BEFORE Unrealized Reality.


Denial  
  
By The Radiant Aeryn Sun/Fire Star  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own Farscape in any shape or form, but David Kemper, O' Bannon, Henson and a great many other people do. Bless them! Go to savefarscape.com! Write to SCI FI, bring out the froonium! And remember, crackers do matter!  
  
Summary: Aeryn now has to deal with John's feelings after all the pushing and the running that she has done. Takes place before Unrealized Reality.  
  
Genre: Romance/Angst  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
~*~ Part One: Vast Memories ~*~  
  
Aeryn never expected this to happen. Out of all the cycles the sebacean (with some of Pilot's DNA) and ex-peacekeeper knew John Crichton, she had never expected him to push her away. Now that she thought about it, she really ought to have seen it coming. He had always given her time and space, ready and waiting for her to come to him whenever she was ready. So she ended up, in some ways, abusing the privilege of his love for her. It wasn't like she had meant what would happen, happened.the crew of Moya just didn't have very good luck in terms of every-day life. Pasts, loves, beliefs, and truths always seemed to conflict, and inevitably frelling up a lot of things.  
  
And now, Aeryn had to deal with the fact that she was pregnant. That was something she really hadn't intended, either.not now, anyways. And what nerve-wrecked her every day was the fact that she was clueless as to whom the father might be. She knew who she hoped to be the father.at least in most ways out of the very limited other options she had to refer to. If it had been John Crichton, whole and true, from the first cycle she knew him, then John would feel it was his child truly. That fact alone would help a little.at least, if it existed.  
  
'I hate just sitting here all alone with no one to talk to about this. There has to be someone on board who I could talk to.  
  
'Chiana.'  
  
Aeryn got up from her bed and headed over to Chiana's quarters. It seemed a little odd to be going to Chiana nowadays for moral support, but she had to admit to herself that it felt nice to be able to talk to another female who knew her fair share of males. Chiana never had really judged Aeryn, either.she had, in some ways, usually extended out a hand to her for help or advice, which Aeryn had usually dismissed in the past. But now Aeryn took comfort into confiding with Chiana, and a new form of friendship was definitely taking place.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The door opened and Aeryn walked inside. She sat down next to Chiana, who looked at her sympathetically.  
  
"Need to talk?"  
  
"Yes. This whole situation.everything.I can't get it out of my mind. I don't know what to do while I wait to find a place to determine everything" Aeryn said, looking out of the window and into space. She found her star there, glowing back at her.  
  
"He's hurt," Chiana said, looking at her carefully. "No one has ever wished these frelled-up things to happen to us, but they have."  
  
"I know. Nothing is ever fair anymore. I miss him so much.he was always there, but now, he isn't. I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever come back."  
  
"Well, what did he say to you about everything?" Chiana asked, trying to find some light in it all.  
  
"He-he said.I need to get my story strait."  
  
Chiana then looked out into space. Crichton was probably afraid that Aeryn might have slept with some male other then him these past seven cycles. Chiana wondered why he'd think that. Aeryn might've pushed away a great many times, but she'd never.  
  
"Aeryn, you haven't.you know.with anyone other then the other Crichton, have you?"  
  
Aeryn looked up. She realized she hadn't told Chiana all of this. Well, of course she hadn't. They had never started talking like this until a short period ago.  
  
"Actually, I have."  
  
Chiana looked up at her, slightly worried.  
  
"While I was still a peacekeeper.Chiana, do you remember the recording you found of me killing Moya's first pilot?" Aeryn said with slight strain.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I do."  
  
"The male who had been ordering me-not Crais, the other one.we."  
  
Chiana tilted her head at Aeryn. Aeryn heaved a sigh. It wasn't as painful to recall as it was two cycles ago, but it was still one of those memories.  
  
"You guys were."  
  
"Lovers" Aeryn finished.  
  
Chiana sat back a bit. "Wow. So what happened?"  
  
"He was a rogue in Crais' operation" Aeryn explained, her eyes slightly glazed from the memory. "I had been re-assigned from Prowler duty, the one thing I really loved to do. So when I found out that he was doing something against orders, I made the stupid decision of turning him in. I regretted it very quickly."  
  
Chiana nodded. "We all do things that we regret. But if you hadn't done what you did.you wouldn't have ended up here with us, would you?"  
  
Aeryn smiled weakly at her newfound friend.  
  
"You're right. I'm better off now.oh, there was one other person."  
  
Chiana looked even more worried now.  
  
"No, no, it's not bad" Aeryn said quickly. "Around the time when you just came aboard Moya, when John flew to what he thought was his home.I went down there and we 'escaped' to a hideout, and we."  
  
"So." Chiana started, amazed she was finding out about all of this NOW, "it could be Crichton's child.our Crichton on Moya."  
  
"Yes. I keep hoping that he will be the one that rules out."  
  
Chiana nodded, looking out into space again.  
  
"Aeryn, out of all the cycles I have known you, you seem.a lot different now. Before you left on Talyn, you were different. When you came back, you were different then, too. And now, you're really different."  
  
Aeryn frowned slightly. "How so?"  
  
"You seem.so.tiered. Like the fight you used to have isn't the same. You're not as head-strong as you were before."  
  
"Weak?" "I tried to avoid that term," Chiana said, nervously looking down at her feet. "It's not like you're weak, just.weak-er."  
  
"Mmm" Aeryn said lightly, Chiana not sure if that was in agreement or something else. "A lot of things have happened to me over the past cycle. It's drained me. I'm not sure where I've gone to."  
  
"Well," Chiana said, looking at her with concern that Aeryn was still trying to adjust to, "I hope you get the fight back." 


End file.
